As Mother's Day approaches next Sunday, I'm somewhat apprehensive about how I'll feel. Last year, Mother's Day was less than a month after Mother's funeral and I don't think I truly felt the impact. Now that I've been orphaned for over a year, there are times when it seems like she's been gone forever and other times, when I feel she's still with me.
Last night I was with my daughter at the Hallmark store helping her pick out a card for my wife. I looked at the "from son" section knowing that I would never be able to shop there again. It was somewhat sad, but nothing like last year when I had stopped at the same Hallmark store to pick up a card for my wife. I remember standing in line to buy the card and noticed the man standing in front of me who was about my age. I saw he had a card that read, "To Mom, with love from your son." When I saw that card, I felt like a knife had pierced my heart. I guess, time does heal all things.
I will try to make Sunday a celebration for the mother of my 3 kids. She is truly a wonderful wife and a great mother to our kids. I know she'll understand if there's a bit of sadness in my eyes, but I'll do my best to make sure my sadness doesn't dampen the celebration of the day for our kids.
For those of you who like me no longer have a mother to celebrate with, I hope your memories of the woman who gave you life are still cause to celebrate. If you still have a mother, make sure you take the time to let her know how much you love her and how special she is.
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My mom had passed away in December (a few years ago), and I guess it was about April I had gone into a Hallmark store for something. They had some little springy salt and pepper shakers out -- my mom collected salt and pepper shakers -- and that and some of the preliminary Mother's Day items out just hit me hard. I went back out to the car and cried for some time as I drove away. That was one of the oddest things about grief to me, that it could just blindside so unexpectedly.
ReplyDeleteIt's been three years now and it doesn't often still hit that sharply, though there are still a few teary moments and aches. I do have wonderful memories of my mom.
It sounds strange to think of ourselves as orphans in our 50s, but that's exactly how I felt when my mom passed away. I remember thinking something like "One less person to love me" -- and that the person who loved me probably more than any other except my husband and children. But I remind myself with a new phase of life starting as my middle son gets married this summer, our family is expanding with more people to love.
this first Mother's day - a week and a half after we lost her - was experienced in that shock stage where you get through stuff, but don't know how. the twist was i had to do a Parent/Baby Dedication with young families at the beginning of our service (church). ouch
ReplyDeletei've just had my first 'orphan' mother's day without her - she passed just a week and a half prior. this one was experienced while still in the zone/shock of grief -- where somehow you get through it -- but i don't really know how.
ReplyDeleteto top it off, i had to do Parent/Baby Dedication at church that morning. sometimes compartmentalizing is helpful.